African Girls Who Grew Up Abroad Are Not Marriage Material???

Okay, I have to bring up a controversial issue because as an young, African lady living abroad it concerns me a bit when I hear African men state that they believe that African girls who grew up abroad, particularly in Western countries, are not capable of making good wives for African men.

I have had the chance to discuss with some of my African male buddies and here are some of the arguments I gather from them.

1) They claim that African women abroad become too Westernized and lose some of the critical African values that are important to Africa men such as being domestic.

2) They also argue that African women abroad become brainwashed by the prevalent culture of Feminism in the Western world and that makes them too independent, too strong and out of touch with their soft, feminine qualities.

3) Finally, they argue that African women abroad are too defensive and feel that African men are just out to use them to attain papers and this creates issues with trust.

In fact it has gotten so bad that many African men flock back home to African to find African girlfriends or wives.

When discussing this particular issue with my African male friends, my first reaction is usually to get defensive and argue the opposition. Then I thought about it and realized that this is an issue that needs to be explored because these African males have arguments are valid to some degree. It is natural that African women who spend a significant amount of time abroad do become Westernized to some extent, it is part of the process of adapting to a new environment and culture. And given how Western culture has a very distinct view from African culture when it comes to marriage and relationships, it makes sense that there will be gaps and differences between African men and African women who have spent years abroad.

I also discussed with some of my girlfriends that fit into the category of African women who have grown up abroad to get their reaction on the matter. And not surprisingly, the blame is thrown back and interesting enough, the women put the African men into two categories. a) African men who have grown up or spent many years abroad b) African men who have recently moved abroad (2yrs or less) and here are the further arguments that I gather.

1) The biggest argument is that most of the African men in category B are too old fashioned in their way of thinking, too controlling and too complicated because they expect entirely too much from the women and do not reciprocate. It is like they put in 20% into the relationship and expect 120% from the woman.

2) They also argue that African men in general are not romantic and affectionate with African women, yet when they date women of other cultures and races, they become so lovey dovey and affectionate.

3) In addition, they argue that many African men in category A starting acting too much like Akata people and also lose some of their important African values. And they insist that men in this category are usually players, date women of other race and cultures excessively and lose focus on their priorities.

These are issues that we do not adequately explore in our communities but we quietly talk and vent about it. Also these are issues that are difficult to explain to our parents and elders because they grew up in enviroments where dating was a lot less wahala. Some of the impacts that have been noted are the growing amount of single, African women living abroad; the growing amount of African men running home to get married; and the growing amount of Africans in interracial or cross-cultural relationships. Now I am curious to explore, with so many Africans migrating abroad and even with Africans back home getting so exposed to Western culture and ideals, how does this impact African marriage and relationships? And what could be the possible long-term effects of this trend?